How to solve family problems, being guided by principles of a Torah.
The sages say that the one who dreams of a river, the pot and the bird can hope for peace in his home. The river , the boiler and the bird symbolize three possible levels of peaceful relations in the family.
A few years ago I was in a Jerusalem yeshiva gave lectures on the topic Bayt Shalom (peace in the family) . With men , have been married for a year or two weekly interviewed , who had come to help them to family life from the standpoint of the Torah. Students studied the causes of disorders in the family, as well as practical tips to prevent family problems . I was quite surprised to find that this course of lectures quickly became the most popular among all of my courses . The seminar attracted young people of different social status and professions. Some came because of difficulties in family life , but most attended classes , not because they have had problems in the marriage - they just felt the urgent need to learn more about one of the most important and least discussed areas of life .
Before the wedding, a lot of men who observe the laws of the Torah , are a series of classes on alahicheskim aspects of marriage , but only a few get a clear idea of how to behave in a marriage and what to expect from him. At most, they put up with these studies , a series of lofty platitudes about how the marriage turns the young man in the " real man " as a marriage with the right attitude to it brings to life the sanctity of the house of the Jew becomes a bastion of Torah and Chesed ( kindness ) . In all of these well-known truths , unfortunately, missed the most important factor ensuring a happy marriage : that all these truths to put into practice , to learn to get along with his wife , and this is impossible without the continuous improvement of character.
Tips of the course lectures are useful not only in themselves : they contributed to the discussion of the resolution of many problems. Bayt Shalom is related to one of the hidden components of human life. Quarrels between husband and wife usually take place without witnesses shyness forces them to hide any signs of family discord . Because of this, his wife , faced with the difficulties experienced a deep sense of personal failure , which leads to a sense of hopelessness and shame and prevent seek help . So the husband and the wife feels a huge relief when they discover that their seemingly personal problems are widespread , and the situation that leads to the disorder , is quite typical . A sense of relief and newfound awareness prospects stimulate problem solving .
All this led me to the thought of having to write the content of the lectures in book form. After a thorough review of the essence of conversations has been redesigned into a suitable form for publication . I pray that the book was useful to the greatest possible number of Jews , and only going to get married, and recently got married and unmarried " for a long time ."
TABLE OF CONTENTS
The title of this book
Why break up families
Why was established family
What threatens the happiness in marriage?
The criteria for the choice of spouse
Why, in fact, men are getting married ?
Why marriages are unsuccessful ?
Fantasy and reality of married life.
Illusions and their causes
But what really is?
The Truth About Love
The true nature of the shortcomings of his wife
" Bashert " ( narrowing)
" Virtuous Woman"
learning the basics
The commandments of the relationship between people
Why do the wives are treated worse than with strangers
The true barometer of kindness
Understanding the nature of women's
The need to be loved
Expressions of love and gratitude
A heightened sense of spirituality in women
More about women's nature
The thought process
The physical differences
7. Hillel and the causes of anger
8. The real and imaginary grievances
Retribution for the wrongs in the past
The dead dreams
Perevalivanie blame on the other
Frumkeyt / Godliness
9. Anger under control
Reducing gaavy ( pride )
discussion of resentment
Overcoming a fit of anger
How should we quarrel
Tefillin and the etrog
10 . uselessness of anger
How to gain respect
Can anger to stop a fight ?
Why the angry man called a fool
How anger affects the family
The correct response to the grievance
11. Love and its catalysts
The emergence of love
What is the cause of ingratitude ?
How important is the obligation to be grateful ?
How do we shy away from expressing gratitude Some thoughts about the feeling of gratitude to my wife
13. bonding ties
The value of the overall objectives
The third catalyst
The role of self-sacrifice
The final stage
The objectives pursued by the book
This book presents the views on marriage expressed in the Torah and the commentaries on it. In fact, this view is not only marriage , but also to life itself . The Torah considers the human being as a creation of Gd , who is given the opportunity to be happy, just closer to the Almighty . For this it is necessary to send in the right direction selfish human desire for wealth and pleasure , thereby contributing to its struggle to achieve spiritual perfection. Although every human act has a definite place in the service of Gd , the Torah says that if the purpose of making life of pleasure , it will lead to the disintegration of the human person and of society as a whole. So you can be successful only when a person learns to control selfish impulses, which (by definition) hinder spiritual growth.
Truth, the Torah teaches us that , in fact, are not a product of the human brain . They are based on the Knowledge of the Divine mysteries of creation and the secrets of the human soul. These truths come from the existence of the formula itself , which knows only one Creator . The laws of the Torah are intended man to live in harmony with them, and those fed the needs of their innermost being. That's why these laws are the best guide to success and happiness. For thousands of years in a variety of conditions are perfect in structure of society is created by those who followed them .
Alignment of the Torah in sharp contrast with the position co- toruyu shared by most secular people , and which reduces man to the level of random phenomena of evolution , depriving his life true meaning and purpose of filling the spiritual vacuum and the pursuit of maximum emotions and carnal pleasures. The fact that such a position is success in life , the Torah condemns as a failure.
The main idea of this book is this: only by studying the Torah , we can achieve happiness in marriage. This thesis is based on the premise that the creation of family happiness is possible only when man's awareness of their life goals , aided by the ability to control themselves and the desire to improve your character . Obviously, it is not necessary to look at the book in search of quick fixes and instant responses , for a change of attitude towards life does not happen instantly. Superficial single reading this book will not help you. Only constant study and adoption of framework outlined here will give you an opportunity to overcome the obstacles to family happiness .
And one more note : many sections of the book are written from the perspective of men . This occurred , in particular, because it is based on a series of lectures for men. I tried to give the material a form that they could use and a woman, but stopped going there , where it was absolutely impossible. Man and woman looking at marriage from different points of view , they are different emotional needs and disabilities, with whom they compete . Therefore, it was not always possible to simultaneously write to those for the other . But in spite of this , women are also able to learn a lot in the book, as it helps to penetrate into the essence of marriage.